Fear …Scare it out of your mind

 FEAR……Scare it out of your mind.

 Deer run faster than its predators, but it gets caught easily and killed. The Deer is slim and agile, has good energy, despite having strong qualities, it fails to give a slip to the predator and ultimately  succumbs ……….the reason is Fear….the deer is paralyzed by fear gives up and become easy prey.

It is true with all of us, when we see an impending danger we get scared and succumb to the situation.

Fear is so powerful and it swamped in all walks of our life. Some fears are healthy and it helps us to grow. Some are irrational, and it hinders the growth.

Some students who are brilliant and good at studies, they fail to score good marks; it’s because of fear of examination. They tend to forget the subject and mind goes blank, fear over powers their ability.

Some people are scared of flying, a little turbulent in the flight will send the blood pressure shooting high and they get panic attacks.

When you are due for a presentation in the office or  address a gathering,  you become  nervous and get scared of the crowd, you  feel  “Butterflies in the stomach”  and  you pace back and forth , tongue- tied, you cannot recollect the topic……..you fail……… fear takes over you.

Some guys don’t venture or  try new things, be it professional or personal, because of fear of unknown; this may be due to past experience or mental imagination. They fear failure and adaptation and are worried about moving out of comfort zone.

We can continue with the list of fears and how it will affect one’s life…….However,  on the contrary, there are some who thrive on fears, they are known as adrenaline junkies…  ex:  guys who participate in dangerous sports activities, like bungee jumping, sky diving, surfing, river rafting and many more, they like to challenge the fear and conquer it.

 Fears are an unavoidable facet of our life’s experience. It is a natural emotion and survival mechanism. When we confront a perceived threat, our bodies respond in specific ways. Physical reaction is “Fight or Flight”, body prepares either to run or combat.

Constantly being in the state of fear will affect physically and psychologically, it creates anxiety disorders, and other health related issues. This hinders growth and the performance.

Fear restricts our lives and imprisons us. The study reveals that, we experience two types of fear, perceived and the real one. Perceived fears are our mental imaginations and also in anticipation of the future events, it may or may not happen. Real threats, on the other hand, are potentially dangerous, more often than not, involves physical harm.

It is estimated that 80% of our fears are the perceived one, isn’t it a good revelation!!.  Now let’s resolve to overcome the challenge. 

Below I have put down my thoughts on how to overcome the monster called fear.

 Face the fear:  Facing the fear can help you realize situation is not as bad as you imagined. It helps in building confidence & shows your strength to handle the situation on your own.

Swami Vivekananda, narrates a story of monkey, a few monkey ganged up and scaring tourists by blocking the way, they used to snatch food and snacks. One day they attacked Swami Vivekananda, he thought of running back, but saw more monkeys started chasing him, screaming and making scary noises. He decides to face the monkey, he turned back and stared at them fearlessly and monkeys vanished in no time.

Moral: If you face your fear instead of running away from them, they will run away like monkeys.

      Focus on breathing:  Breathing is most essential of all practices, it is “Prana Vayu”. Focusing on deep breathing helps you relaxing and reducing the anxiety. When the pang of anxiety attacks, focus on breathing and take couple of deep breaths, it brings down the jitter and calms the mind.

Learn different techniques of Pranayama (one of the 8 limbs of Patanjali Yoga Sutra) it gives great relief and you calm down instantly.

  Take one at a time: Do not try to tackle all your fears at a time, just pick one and work on it.

Starting small can help build confidence in yourself, as you overcome each new challenge.


Identify false beliefs: All fears are learned and nobody is born with fears. Identifying and rationalizing the beliefs that you have picked up during the course of journey, brings a great relief, It is like “the right diagnosis is half cure”, Identify and drop those irrational fears.

      Hypnotherapy:  When you are experiencing overwhelming fear or anxiety, please consider working with a therapist. Hypnotherapy is very effective, you can program   positive   thoughts in to your mind, erasing or eliminating negative thoughts and beliefs. This is very effective and I have seen many people getting cured and have come out of chronic suffering.

Do not let the fear to rule your life, take corrective action.

There are many techniques available; you can adopt the one which suits you most and combat anxiety and fear. In this write up, I have put down few points basing on my experience as a Hypnotherapist. People have got relief and leading happy life.

Inner-Conflict

We all face conflicts day in and day out, be it an individual conflict with friends, colleagues, boss, spouse or ideological conflicts like politics, religion, philosophy etc. Life is full of conflicts and we spend a great amount of time mulling what is right and what is wrong, what is good and bad, then try to resolve them in the mind. Yes we are all troubled by  conflicts….conflicts and conflicts…..is there a way out?.

Not all conflicts are bad, some conflicts are healthy and it will help you to act on your lacunae and impart life changing lessons. But most of the time we confront unhealthy conflicts which strain relations, inflict deep wounds in the psyche, and erode all peace of mind.

The conflicts are due to opposing ideologies, beliefs, desires, habits etc. Since no two individuals think and feel alike, we differ in our views, opinions, interests and values. Impulsively we argue to prove our point rather than listen to the other side and find a middle path. By the episode you not only hurt the other person, but you hurt yourSELF.

Of all the conflicts we face, inner-conflicts are the most difficult to handle. Since, the head and the heart are at constant tussle, if one agrees and the other disagrees. Mind with its logic can arrive at knowledge. But the heart with its own desires and emotions resists the mind and hence is slow to change and align with knowledge. Even when the heart changes our instinctive, habitual actions and reactions offer even greater resistance. At every step of personality change lies an inner-conflict. When scientists and thinkers find new ways of progress for humanity, society comes up with customs and traditions, moral and ethical dilemmas.

So, the need of the hour is to understand the mechanics of inner-conflict by broadening our perspective and finding a work-around is very important.

Well, all conflicts are not bad, some are really interesting and they act as a positive force to your growth, it bestows a new meaning to life and enables you to get fresh perspectives.

We constantly engage in mental dialogues and weigh our thoughts between good and bad, right and wrong and invariably most of the time we remain indecisive. Another side effect of constant inner dialogue is that we tend to become judgmental on other’s opinions or views .

Some examples below illustrate the day to day conflicts and the dilemma associated with it.

Ex 1.  While you are managing your family expenses on a strict budget you find an attractive offer on some item you can gift your wife or daughter.  Inevitably your mind swings between impulsive buying and compulsive logic.

Ex 2. When an important meeting with your boss and a family pooja ceremony demanding your presence coincides, great dilemma sets in….how to prioritise?

Ex: 3. You believe that you should be assertive and outspoken to get recognition and make advancement in your career.

The opposing thought is, you are not confident enough and you think if you try to be assertive people may ridicule and laugh at you……so you remain indecisive

These are small, day to day happenings we all face. However we could face major crises like health, finance or relationship related issues which may throw you off balance and create panic and prompt you to take hasty, mindless decisions.

Mahabharata, is a story of inner conflicts. All the characters live in our mind and heart, The story outlines the struggle to establish dharma (righteousness). The essence of the story   lives in our subconscious.

There are many examples we can take, for me Karna’s example seems to be very apt for inner-conflict. Throughout his life he struggled with inner-conflicts, Because of certain unfortunate situations he was placed in “he always did what he ought to have done to promote himself, rather than what truly he should have done according to dharma” —Meaning, he was desperate to show the world he was the best archer, he did not leave any stone unturned to get an opportunity to exhibit his skills, in the process he divorced Dharma and took sides with adharmic people.

He went through intense mental trauma vacillating between good and bad. He knew very well he was taking sides with wrong people but couldn’t firm up his decision to tread the path of Dharma, because he was stuck to the valueless vow to protect Dhuryodhana, who helped him in many ways. The tragedy is, he never summoned the courage to discard the wrong path…he was good at heart, but led astray by his ambition. Whether to choose ambition or Dharma was the great inner-conflict he faced and he failed from Dharmic point of view

A wonderful story from Paulo Coelho on the inner-conflict

A gardener was taking a morning walk in the bright sunshine and he was happy to see the rose garden blooming which he always tended very lovingly. While watering the garden he noticed sudden growth of weeds in the garden and was taken aback. He knew the weeds would kill his garden.

He believes Soul is like a landscaped garden that needs to be protected from weeds.

So took his sickle to cut the weed. Weed spoke to him and said “Hi, why do you want to kill me, I’ve grown on my own, I’ve come a long way, you haven’t given me life, I have the right to live….so please do not cut me off”

The gardener thought for a while after listening to the weed, and he felt what it was saying was correct.

He dropped the sickle. Suddenly Rose flower talked to him “Hi you have brought me here and you nurtured me very well with love and care, it’s time to bloom, and you are allowing the weed to grow and destroy me. I request you please cut the weed”.

His inner-conflict peaked up with logic and counter logic…compelling him to think in all dimensions to justify his action.

At last Gardner took the sickle and cut the weeds…..and he looked up and says

“God give me similar strength to weed out the unwanted thoughts from my mind”

Overcoming inner conflict is not an easy task; it takes a conscious and consistent effort for a prolonged period of time.

Some pointers below may help you to reduce and overcome inner-conflict.

Bring awareness: Having deep awareness of the conflicts is the starting point of dissolution, because awareness brings a resolution mind set

Be conscious: Try to be conscious of your choice, take the right decision by analyzing what you need versus what you think right.

Calm your mind and never get influenced by other’s opinion and point of view

Practice Mindfulness meditation

 

PS: I have just given an overview of inner-conflicts, tried scraping on the surface level, not gone deep into it. Deeper study gives more info of the psychological complexities involved in inner-conflict and its resolutions. However I have limited scope to basic psychological level, not clinical or pathological side of the subject.

If anybody is interested in discussing further to enhance academic knowledge, please feel free to touch base with me.

 

“ When Inner-Conflicts ends peace begins”

 

Failure a new Perspective

Failure is a stepping stone to success, winning streaks comes from failure… statement or fact? We only know success begets success and failure leads to depression and loss of confidence this is what we’re taught since younger days. We we’re taught to eulogize success and scorn failure. When we fail, we feel everything is lost and we can never bounce back again. We feel we are finished for good. Psychologically it uproots our belief system and makes us lose faith in ourselves. We have been conditioned to think like that by our society and also at home. However, failure is not an end, it’s just a bend.

 

Today’s generations are restless to achieve success. They constantly chase success, by hook or by crook want to achieve.  Yes, to stay in the rat race and climb social ladder, success is important. However, in the hurry to achieve success in the face of mindless competition, many times they resort to short circuiting the value systems. The success one achieves through such means are temporary, not long lasting and soul satisfying.

 Whereas, failures teach you immense lessons and give a different perspective on the problem of life. As the saying goes “an empty stomach teaches more lessons than all the universities”. It’s also true with failure provided you accept and look at it as a lesson. You may rest assured you will emerge successful in the future attempts.

Failure could be plinth on which you could build your edifice of success if you have learnt the lesson of embracing failure as part and parcel of success.

Failure is not the end of the road, it just gives a different perspective, provided if you look at it from a rational point of view and not succumb to play of emotions. No significant success worth mentioning has been achieved without failed attempts or repeated failures and history mirror’s many examples.

Thomas Alva Edison has failed several times before he could discover the right material, tungsten….he illuminated the whole world through incandescent light bulbs….a lasting success.

Sepoy Mutiny against British rule in 1857 was a failed attempt, but it gave sufficient insight, courage and created a solid platform for freedom fighters to organize the future freedom struggle in a better way. After several failed attempts…we got independence.

Success of Mangalyaan is a shining example of success built on previous failures, ISRO partially failed on chandrayaan -1 mission, but the project team did not succumb to the avalanche of negativity heaped on them. They learnt immense lessons; through frugal and innovative engineering with precision timings made the MOM project a grand success and the whole world looked at India as champion of space programs.

Walt Disney was fired by his employer; he was told he lacks imagination and creativity. How he used this to his advantage and became world famous, it’s there for all of us to see……. rest is history.

Most of us do not risk doing new things because of fear of failure and associated social stigma. Psychologically we are conditioned to think that it’s shameful to fail and failure means end of the road.

Failure strips you of your pride. Pride is a pseudo feeling that feeds on our ego. We feel hurt since ego has no fodder to feed on. Look at it dispassionately and analyze what causes you to feel so, you will get an answer. Failure has inherent lessons and it teaches you to be humble and gives you a better understanding of other side of life.

 Here are some random thoughts to overcome the burden of failure and step into the shoes of success.

❖     Each failure is a chance to grow better and wiser.

❖    Remember great achievers have failed several times before success embraced them.

❖     Your motto is to  be resilient and you must find ways to identify reasons and rectify  the issues   to bounce back.

❖     Do not hold on to the pain for long, don’t succumb to play of emotions, do some reality check. Go to the root cause of failure and address it (many tools available for root cause analysis).

❖     Relook at the goals; many times we do not set the realistic achievable goals.

❖     Think of changing the approach….

❖     Have positive affirmation and never keep ruminating about your failures.

  “Success is not final, failure is not fatal: It is the courage to continue that counts”…..Winstun churchil