How students can come out of inferiority complex

A self-help guide to deal with an inferiority complex;  A mindful Practise  

 

Opposite my house, there is a playground, after school hours kids come and play there till 6.30 pm or 7 pm. They have lots of fun and enjoy it thoroughly.  It is nice to watch kids playing, they play with full energy; They giggle, they shout, they fight, and reconcile quickly, laugh, and roll on the ground. It is so refreshing to watch them in action!!  I love to join and have fun with the kids whenever I find the time or happened to pass through the ground.

Shyam is a 5th  standard boy and he comes to the ground every day but never participates in any of the games. He sits in the corner and keeps looking at the other kids and never utters a word to anybody. At sharp 6.30 pm, he rushes back home. He looks fragile, hesitant, and timid.

Out of curiosity, I  observed   Shyam (a very cute kid)  for a couple of days and I asked his friends, “why is he not joining you guys” or “are you guys bullying him? not allowing him to play with you” ( Kids politics).

 Kids told me “no….. no …no… we invited him several times but refuse to talk to us and doesn’t want to play”.

One day I stopped Shyam and asked him, why he is not playing with his friends. Asked him if anybody is bullying you? Teasing you?  Asked many questions……., but he never looked at my face and with his head down he muttered something in a stammering voice and ran off.

Later I found out, he has an inferiority complex due to his stammering problem and he avoids mingling with friends and relatives since they tease and mock him for not being able to speak normally. Even in school, teachers and classmates make fun of him.

He sits quietly never mingles nor talks to anyone in the school. He scores well in academics, never socializes, shies away, and wouldn’t open up easily.

Definition of Inferiority complex;

Inferiority complex is a set of belief we hold about us, where we value ourselves less in comparison with the other person.

Consciously or unconsciously we have the habit of comparing ourselves with others and feel low self-esteem for not measuring up to their standards. In the process, psychologically we amplify our weakness and regret than focusing on the strengths.

Kids are very sensitive and emotionally fragile, they develop an inferiority complex very fast. They are vulnerable and shy, even a small incident can trigger a feeling of unworthiness.

Why do people develop the Inferiority Complex?

  1. Highly critical parents admonishing the kids and saying “you are stupid”   “you can’t do,  “ you are a waste” etc induce the kids to internalize these affirmations which they’re likely to carry for the rest of their lives.

 This gets lodged in the psyche and they become timid and introverts and most of them shirk responsibilities.

  1.  Poverty is a strong reason for kids to develop low self-esteem, withdraw from society, and remain aloof.
  2.  Childhood abuse, bullying by friends constant reminders about the limitations, and comparison with others.
  3. Stress at school to get the grade, and comparison with other students by teachers creates fear in the kids for being “looked down upon”.
  4.  Physical conditions: Stammering, skin color, being thin or fat, and physical challenges push them to the pit of inferiority complex.

Signs of Inferiority complex:

  1. Lack of confidence.

      2. Staying aloof.

      3. Feeling of worthless

      4. Anxiety, Jealousy

      5. Always critical about others

     6. Negative thinking.

     7.  Sometimes you strive heavily to compensate and overstrain yourself.

All of us have indeed gone through the bout of inferiority complex at some point in life followed by an overwhelming feeling of inadequacy and social withdrawal.

Adults are a little less complex, they develop an inferiority complex when they can’t reach their goal, it may be financial or career-related..etc

Family issues are a  major cause; an unsupportive spouse, nagging by in-laws, wayward kids, stressful siblings, financial constraints, etc can push you towards an inferiority complex.

Dumping by loved ones and repeatedly going through troubled relationships are the other likely triggers

 How to overcome Inferiority complex: 

Inferiority complex if left unattended or adequate care is not given to treat, it will have a deep impact on one’s personality development. They struggle with inadequacy feeling in the later stages of life or sometimes they carry the feeling throughout life and they become a puzzle to themselves and as well for others.

Let’s look at it holistically. To overcome the problem we have to have a 360-degree approach; which includes a good support system from parents, teachers, and friends, and the WILL of the person.

As parents, they need to be cautious and stop being critical. Understand no two individuals are born with the same ability and they are unique in their potential. A child may not have the ability in one field, but he can certainly score a brownie point in some other area.

We should not focus on the weaknesses, instead,  focus on strengths and make him aware of them while subtly reminding him to correct the areas of inadequacy.

Mukesh Ambani once said “our father trained us to focus on the target, not on the obstacles”

Focusing on obstacles would mean focusing on our weaknesses.

Physical challenges may cripple a person for a lifetime, we should support him and make him concentrate on the other healthy faculties of his body.

Following 5 tips helps to overcome the problems

  1.       We are all inferior in some ways.

            Ø  The basic funda;  Everyone is inferior to someone in some ways.

            Ø  Contrary; everyone is superior to someone in some ways

            Ø  No one is complete, everyone has flaws.

            Ø  Don’t become self-conscious about your flaws and magnify them.

            Ø  Everyone is a combination of positive attributes and flaws.

 2.  Do root cause analysis:

Dive deep into it to the root of the problem to find the solution. Surprisingly, the study reveals that more than 60% of the time inferiority complex due to prejudices. Less than 40%  have a genuine cause. Unfortunately, we don’t take corrective action but just gloss over the problem, thereby creating a more complex situation.

  Reflect on why you feel inferior.

                                                    Ø  Is it childhood trauma?

                                                   Ø  Do you feel inferior to smart people?

                                                   Ø  Do you feel inferior to people who have more money?

                                                   Ø  Do you feel inferior in front of successful people?

Start writing down all the points and zero down on the cause, and you weigh the cause( flaws) against your strengths. I bet It is going to be a moment of epiphany

  3. Stop comparing with others;

Consciously or unconsciously we try to compare ourselves with someone whom society considers as good, but when we are unable to meet the expectations we start feeling inferior. Follow simple rules

          Ø  You take them as role models

          Ø  Look for the right attributes

          Ø  Do not imitate

          Ø  Inculcate the attributes

  4. Build Self Confidence:

Self-Confidence is the key to get over the problem. Developing self-confidence requires you to think positively and not to compare with others. However, try to become a better version of yourself. Work to create success milestones for building self-confidence. Develop the metrics to measure your self-confidence and strive towards achieving it. This requires a lot of patience and discipline.

 Example: You lack confidence in speaking to a group of people. You have the skill but lack confidence due to the inferiority complex you’ve developed for some reason.

The first steps in building Self-Confidence are;

  • Believe you can do.
  • Observe how people talk; body language, accent, communication level
  • Identify what you lack.

 

Action Points:

                           Ø  Talk to a few individuals and improve your confidence level.

                           Ø  Check your communication skill and clarity

                           Ø  Slowly address little larger gathering ( 3 to 4 people)

                           Ø  Check  your progress ( version-2)

                           Ø  Keep repeating it for the next 21 days. You’ll find amazing results.

                Similarly, you can work on other problem areas.

 

 5. Sub-conscious programming and Hypnotherapy:

In chronic cases,  when the person is stuck in an emotional trauma feeling low and depressed. When well-being and overall development are at stake, in such cases, sub-conscious mind programming and Hypnotherapy helps to overcome the problem. You have to take the professional’s help.

 Subconscious mind reprogramming is very effective to boost self-confidence and transition to a strong personality.

Life is a journey from imperfection to perfection, the roads are bumpy and full of  impediment, don’t sulk, move on with tenacity and embrace the life of confidence, success, and serenity       

 

How to overcome rejection and gain confidence; know yourself

Practical ways to deal with rejection; Follow the powerful steps to overcome rejection

 

Suresh angrily came out of the interview room, threw the credentials file on the ground, he was seething with anger… “bloody fellows again rejected me, they asked god damn questions and no sane person could have answered, they did it purposely as they have already offered the job to an influential candidate,  this interview is just a sham”.

“I tried my best to convince her, I truly love her, she doesn’t understand and rejected me, for reasons best known to her”…with heavy breath Karan told me, his face was contorted with intense pain and eyes were wet with tears. His heart swelled with emotion.

Muthu is not much qualified and works hard to earn money, he struggles to keep his family members happy, somehow they don’t accept him and he feels like an outcast. His elder brother is well qualified and he gets all the attention. Muthu feels terrible whenever they snub him.

Sneha is an average looking girl from a traditional family and never dares to have a boyfriend in college. She is shy and conscious of her looks. Her family members wish to give her in marriage to a decent family. But some 30 to 40 prospective grooms rejected her because of her average looks. She’s frustrated and lost all her hopes.

Shiva is a brilliant software analyst.  His manager is an anarchist who never gives credit or takes his decisions seriously. He ill-treats him in all project meetings and rejects ideas outright without giving it a thought. Shiva is dejected and feels out of place.  He decided to resign and join another company.

Mukund is a senior citizen; he worked in an executive position and earned good money. He was the decision-maker in the family. After retirement, his son and daughter took over. They don’t involve him in any decisions nor discuss with him any matter. They complain he can’t hear nor understand. He feels utterly neglected and has gone into depression.

A peek into the anatomy of rejection;

 Rejection is common in life, it may be due to incompetence,  favoritism,  skin color, jealousy, prejudices,  status….etc

Kids are more prone to get affected by rejection. They need love, care, and attention during the formative years. Between the siblings, they are differentiated and neglected. If they don’t get attention, love, and care they feel rejected, this nasty experience gets rooted strongly and when they grow up, it will manifest in timidity or aggressive behavior.

 Rejections are most common and nobody is immune to it, the most talented people have been rejected one way or the other. When you put yourself out in the competitive world and you become vulnerable, but don’t get fazed by it, look at the odds involved, and accept the general rule- higher the stake higher the rewards.

 Indeed, rejection creates an emotional wound and leaves an indelible scar in our psyche. Whether it is due to the spouse leaving you, or not getting admission to the desired school, or not considered for the cricket team in the college, or when rejected in the family or snubbed by friends.

 

Whatever the reason for rejection, it just doesn’t hurt, it damages psychological well-being, it erodes your self-worth. You feel you are not wanted and feel alone like an outcast.

In every phase of life, the universe puts you through a trial by fire, it’s the way the universe strengthens you from inside. Oftentimes, we fail to understand the grand purpose behind it, we get overwhelmed by the pain and do irrational things and suffer even more.

Why rejection is painful:

We want everything in life to happen the way we want, irrespective of whether we deserve it or not. That’s not the way life works, it has its own way, it bends you kneads you, and gives unexpected twists and turns to provide a lesson.

Rejection seems to cause major emotional trauma since the Ego plays a vital role in hurting the Self by creating a mismatch in your expectations.

You feel the pain of rejection due to flawed self-understanding, having a victimized mindset and your thought processes are devoid of rationality.

Ex:  One of my friends suggested me to meet his cousin who is depressed and of late has become whacky. He feels he is not successful in any areas of life, he is rejected in all interviews, socially he feels ostracized as none of his friends nor relatives accept him. He harbors a wrong feeling that everyone is out to belittle him

We put him through a few psychological tests to ascertain the cause. We were surprised to know all those rejections were his mental construct.  He feels that nobody is giving attention and he has been neglected. In reality, none of his friends did anything of that sort. They say he is shy and timid and never speaks with anyone.

Some rejections are real and painful and hurt us badly.

Rejection can help you build resilience;

Resilience is the process of adapting well in the face of adversity, failures, and rejections. As the saying goes  “When the thing gets tough the tough get going”,

Building resilience is easy and requires little effort in the right direction. Below i  have given a couple of practical points to help you bounce back fast.

1) Understand your strength.

Understanding your strength is the first step in building resilience. SWOT analysis the best way to understand your strength and weakness and map the opportunities to your strength and take action to move forward.

2) Change your perspective.

 Change your perspective means to change how you view the world or the problem and how you feel about it. When a change in perspective happens you get a greater insight and you will be more rational in handling the situation.

3)   Develop self-awareness

 Develop self-awareness, you will understand your personality in a better way, by knowing how you think, feel and behave

You may have certain patterns developed over a period of time, or there could be emotional or mood swings. You realize how you behave in certain conditions are stimuli.

SEMrush

Don’t let rejection define you:

Rejection doesn’t necessarily mean that you are worthless, don’t live your life with that tag, its disaster.

Example: You may be rejected by your lover, she/he may have rejected you for reasons which may not be true. They may have limited understanding or wrong perceptions about you.

Your self-worth is not dependent on other’s opinions about you or a single incident.

We are all unique in our own ways and can excel in our areas of expertise, Don’t get influenced by someone’s opinions about you.

Don’t have a Victimised mindset;

Feeling victimized by the person, or circumstances is a habitual pattern, you will wallow in self-pity.  We should come out of the mindset. Stop blaming others and take responsibility for your actions, brooding never serves the purpose nor does it give the power.

The healthy way is :

1) Stop blaming others

2) Develop self-confidence

3) Accept the reality

4) Be flexible

 

 

“I take rejection as someone blowing a bugle in my ear to wake me up and get going, rather than retreat.” – Sylvester Stallone

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

How to overcome indecisiveness- 7 effective and easy ways

 

7 easy ways to deal with Indecisiveness and lead a successful life

 

Should i order masala dosa or plain dosa…shall i go to my office by bike or car, should i wear salwar or saree… can i talk to her or not …..we juggle between the choices and remain indecisive.

I am reminded of Shakespeare’s Hamlet “the indecisive protagonist” who wavers between two extremes “To be or not to be” The dilemma and the emotional trauma he goes through to make a decision represents our sufferings in day to day life.

Indecisiveness definition;

Indecisiveness is defined as being in a state of confusion or dilemma to take the right decision. The situation is like sitting on the fence; don’t know which side to jump.

How indecisiveness is formed;

Being indecisive is common, often in life, we go through this phase. Some are mundane ( like what to eat for dinner and should we watch the movie…) and a few are serious. ( Like choosing the carrier, marriage….building business) When we are faced with an ambiguous situation we tend to become indecisive.

The habit of indecisiveness is well entrenched from young days in our minds. For kids, parents make the decision and when they grow up and become adolescents, many of them remain indecisive because of too many choices and lack of knowledge to differentiate.

This habit continues to hog them even as adults and for some a whole lifetime, they are habituated not taking decisions owing to overprotective parents, sloppy nature, or previous bad experience of a decision gone wrong. They remain fearful and always live in dilemma.

They get stressed up even to make the simplest decision like selecting a menu or wearing a dress for a special occasion. Some people can’t even decide what they want for dinner.

 

How it affects one’s life;

It saddens me to see people remain indecisive even in the face of threat. I remember a story from a real incident.

It was a bad marriage and her husband was abusive, every day she was harassed and tortured.

He used to beat her and hurt her badly for no reason. She silently suffered harassments thinking it as her fate and did not confide with anyone, including her parents and her best friend.

This went on for some time and reached a point where she couldn’t take it anymore. She cried silently and asked  God “ Why me”   What have I done…but got no answer.

After some time she conceived and delivered a baby girl. This triggered her inlaw’s anger that she gave birth to a girl child, and the whole gang began to torture her.

As she was fed up with life, and one fine day she disclosed everything to her close friend. Her friend advised her to move out of the marriage and lead a peaceful life.

The lady was reluctant to sever the marriage tie because she thought it was against our tradition an act of sin and she would be cursed by GOD.

It was a herculean task to convince her to move out of the marriage and start life afresh. At last, she made the decision and moved out of the marriage.

The moral:  Unless we come out of our wrong beliefs and understand what is right or wrong, we remain indecisive and face great harassment and torture.

Why people are indecisive;

People get stressed and remain indecisive for several reasons and it is a direct consequence of their upbringing, the faith they hold, the fear they face, the confidence they lack, the self-esteem they need, and the lack of freedom from the past they struggle against.

All of us have grappled with the problem of Indecisiveness, you need to identify and take the corrective action..that differentiates who you are. We keep encountering many such problems in life…. The wise dig for the reasons and work out solutions.

Indecisiveness is not a pathological condition ( extreme cases) more dependent on upbringing and the experience in life. Let’s see the reason why it is hard for us to decide.

7 common reasons for indecisiveness and the solutions;

1) Lack of information: People may need more information before they decide. Some guys are impulsive and decide spontaneously, but the thoughtful, they need proper data and thorough information.

 2) Over-analyzing:  Some people spend too much time thinking and get into a logical spiral of “if’s and but’s” and end up over-analyzing, This leads to confusion and hence finds it difficult to decide.

 Excess of analysis leads to paralysis. You are always in hypothetical mode and think of the worst-case scenario. You are more worried about the future than the current situation.

 Sometimes, by over-analyzing a simple situation, we turn that into a complicated and nightmare one.

 Ex: Boss or one of your colleagues had forgotten to interact with you, maybe he had a bad day. But we start overanalyzing and start mental diarrheas of nonsense thoughts crossing our minds and creates more anxiety.

 It is very important to move forward than getting stagnated and rot in the same position because of your over-analyzing tendency.

  3) Your upbringing: Overprotective and critical parents are the major cause of kids’ indecisiveness.  They keep telling “ you don’t know”  “you are not a grown-up”  all these things add to the problem and bring down self-confidence.

When kids are empowered to decide on their own, by giving choices, what they want to wear and eat, this builds confidence in them. Later in life, it helps them decide fast. Parents and teachers play a big role in this.

 4) Fear of failure;  Fear of failure renders you indecisive, it may be due to some bad experience in the past and your experimenting could have gone wrong.

 Way out: You have to change your perspective. It is imperative that not all decisions go 100% right and you are not a fortune-teller. After all, life is all about the decision,  whether good or bad.

In business, you need to take a calculated risk and decide on the course of action…It may be an investment, a new partnership, technology adaptation, or introduction of a new line of products ..many more.

  5) Conscious of others’ opinion:  Never decide to please someone. You need to decide what is right for you and in the long term how it will benefit you.

While selecting the career you have to decide based on your competencies and potential to grow, not to please anyone. Also, it is prudent to have information about the scope of the job & the growth prospects. This info gives you a fair idea and enables your decision.

 6)  Lack of confidence in oneself: lack of confidence in making the decision is due to a lack of knowledge and skills. Some take it casually and think it as easy as flipping a coin and leave it for the chance. There are crucial decisions to be made carefully with all the right inputs in place.

However many talented people have faced a lack of confidence and bounced back with the right knowledge and skill.

SEMrush

 7) Procrastination;  This can be due to a lack of information and knowledge. Many times we also procrastinate in anticipation of better things to come. However, if you stay in a prolonged period of indecisiveness due to procrastination it will affect your growth and performance.

People are bad at managing time and often end up piling more work than they could do.

You can overcome by scheduling them in an organized manner, work on the difficult task first, and pick the easy and gratifying part later.

 Press the throttle and start, you can’t expect to be perfect from the word GO…imperfection leads to perfection…take one step, it doesn’t matter how small it is,  but deciding to move from the status quo is very important

To conclude;

Indecisiveness is a common problem and we face in every stage of life, even the most talented people have faced it. Indecision truly holds back your potential, don’t sulk in doubt move forward with all knowledge and decide. Life awaits for those who are brave

  

“A person’s greatest limitations are not genetic, but imposed by self-doubt, insecurities, indecision, and timidity—Kilroy J .Oldster

SEMrush